Argh

Cannot see any jobs advertised that look particularly great and have stopped trying very hard at mine. This could end up in a mega-disaster!

Alone, exquisite

Some days it feels like a sunny afternoon in Melbourne as the season is turning.

I remember a day with that scent of smoke and winter in the air. I sat hungvoer with a boy no longer mine, playing cards in the sunshine, feeling like I was happy.

Contentment -- achievable only in the certainty of change approaching?

Now I'm alone with the light outside beckoning but nowhere to go.

And I'm wondering if it's possible to wrest my life into a more pleasing direction without it feeling like a task I'm not equal to.

I remember Sunday afternoons by myself in a shitty share house. Music poignant to me as the wind ruffled over the grass and industrial wasteland that was Sydney Park. Clouds throwing shadows on a slightly depressing vista. Waiting for my world to begin.

It's led me here and there's no going back. I feel hesitant about the next step forward though. Seems like it's getting too late to make another wrong decision. Drifting along is not an appealing option either.

Where's that magic switch that makes it happen? Or am I slowly building something that I'm only dimly aware of. I wish I knew...

Garbo

I want to be alone

Tough in a city of millions

And a tiny flat of two

Happiness is...

... a ten-year-old girl thinking you're cool

... being missed by drunken friends on a dancefloor half a world away

... waking up at the perfect temperature and it's raining outside

... finding new ways to laugh at Bono among friends

Song from under the floorboards

I am angry, I am ill and I'm as ugly as sin,
my irritability keeps me alive and kicking

I know the meaning of life
it doesn't help me a bit

I know beauty and I know a good thing when I see it
--Magazine
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I don't know whether to leave or to stay. Things change every day. I can see myself becoming free. It's within my grasp but I'm afraid. Should I jump or should I tough it out, hoping something comes to me?
--Claire

On the road again... sort of

Not much to report, but in case anyone has started reading again now I'm writing more often, I'd hate to lose a fan from lack of posting.

Looking for a new job. Considering something quite different like bar work... ?!

Suggestions welcome

Gettin' it regular

Wow, I have been blogging a lot lately... not sure if that is a good thing or it means I'm spending too much time online.

Things are going weird. I really never know what will happen from one day to the next. Which sounds exciting, but is actually a bit hard to take.

Vive la difference, eh?

I have a secret. Secret junket. shhhh

Hello?

I've got another blog, where I'm writing bad poetry of all things! If you want the address, email me, or leave a comment.

In other news, I think I may have reached the end of my tether in terms of being able to work a corporate existence while simultaneously squashing my dreams, hopes and my real self. Or something.

Hopefully this is not a nervous breakdown. What does that feel like? I could cry for a year. Wish I was tougher.