FITS AND STARTS

It’s all about follow-through I’ve decided. And I don’t really have it. That’s OK. Millions don’t. And millions just fumble along in their lives with moments of frenzied inspiration that then gradually dissipate. If you could just hold one idea for long enough Commit to it, it almost wouldn’t matter what it was. I think you’d be successful. This is what I’ll try to do with my latest venture onstage and into the public eye. Not worry about the details of each tiny act, but keep the dream alive. Keep doing it. Get it regular. Then you can hone the performance. Once the commitment feels ‘normal’.

Pearl snake

I had a dream about a little black snake with pearly teeth. Well, actual tiny round pearls for teeth. It was a bit scary. I suppose it’s suggesting I’m paranoid about money at the moment, because I am. It’s a tough city to have even a moderate income in. And I’m probably working in one of the worst places for it too! Have to keep opening my eyes wider to see how gumpy Primrose Hill really is. All those funny little shops that are charging huge prices for their slightly dusty tat. TwentySevenTwelve – the new label by Sienna Miller and her sister (Savannah? Who cares) is available in the shop up the street. It doesn’t seem all that.

Every day I see this one woman at the Russian tea house up the street. I always look at her shoes, which are always very high-heeled. She must live close by because you couldn’t walk far in them. In fact the first time I saw her she was staggering out of a side-street at 10am. Not drunk, just wearing untenable footwear! Now I always see her in the evenings, on her laptop, outside the café. Yesterday I recognised the pumps because I’d been admiring them in the window of that shop that sells the Sienna gear. A cartoon cashregister behind my eyes went: £87.50! Had been considering them myself but somehow once you see them on somebody they do not seem as special. And that IS rather a lot for a pair of uncomfortable heels. Although they do look pretty – black satin with ever so slight rouching around the top.

I’ve seen a few other pairs that I admire round there too but I don’t even want to ask prices.

Feeling Gloomy

I'm working from home this morning. This flat is noisy! No wonder Isco never got much done here. My privacy has been plundered so often by the landlord that I'm also nervous every time I hear someone enter (slammo!) the front door downstairs. I know he's not great with giving notice of swinging by to do minor repairs and stuff. What if he comes barging in to discover me in bed wearing my husbands floppy jumper, tapping away on the lappytop? Gawd, it doesn't bear thinking about!

I have surprised myself somewhat by how
a) Houseproud I am - I hate for others to see my mess
b) Private I am - don't want anyone looking at my stuff!

We went to a club on Saturday night called 'Feeling Gloomy' in Angel Islington. The flyer ticked all the boxes: Smiths, The Cure, Siouxie, etc. etc. and we thought we'd go for just a few hours and a bit of a dance. Got there, paid our £6 entry and were subjected to this godawful band! They were some kind of 80s-wannabe Suede-esque. SO BAD! The lead singer was all skinny jeans and stripy top and kind of writhed and wriggled around onstage in a very unappealing way. On the whole, very dull.

I had to heckle the emcee for laughing as he introduced this band 'His favourite band'. LESS LAUGHING, MORE GLOOMY I demanded. He heard me and went off on some odd spiel about how they weren't really advocating genuine gloominess, would hate anyone to go home and topp themselves after this club night and mentioned something about the Salvation Army?! Freakin' happy hippy amateurs! Why are they even running a club called that? Why didn't they just call it Sad Monday or something. That would have been a better description and geniune gloom-whores like me would have known to stay away!

OK, rant over.

Snippets

I thought of a really great idea for a tiny scene, snippet, vignette in my one-day-I'll-write-it novel the other day as I was walking up Agar Grove. I did not have a notbook with me and tried to keep it in my head as I hurried home. Got home, fiddling around with keys, shopping bags, etc. Totally forgot about gem of an idea until hours later and then I couldn't really recall it. Damn me.

Really must start scribbling as and when these thoughts occur.

I am considering ending this blog and beginning a new one that is more... focused? Or should I just post on, regardless?!